1) Everyday reality is a waking dream where you project yourself as observer and observed, dreamer and dream.

I project myself. Hmm. Interesting. How exactly? Everyday that is. Hmm. Am I crazy? I am not, right? Oh – this is a dream alright. The world has not ended. Promotion for ‘Inception’ maybe?

2) You are neither dreamer nor dream but the infinite consciousness in which the universe arises and subsides

This is taking one notch up. One statement earlier, he said we are both the dreamer and the dream. Now, he says we are neither. Even Einstein couldn’t be as clear, could he? Wonderful. We are the infinite consciousness. And what’s more – we are not static, we arise and subside, just like Barkha Dutt’s stance on transparency and integrity. Absolutely stunning and an astute observation.

3) Since the end of the Cold War, the world has spent more than $ 10 trillion on armaments. Can we cure this madness?

Ohh…so this dude is not just after your consciousness. He is out to get the military industrial complex. Global thinking. Strategic thought. We are just mere mortals when you realize that you haven’t have had this thought for a billion years now. Oh my – armaments, madness – who would have thought?

4) Today tell yourself: Let me be loved, let me be happy, let me be peaceful.

I keep telling myself Deepak. Trust me. I do this ritual daily. But Katrina Kaif isn’t listening. You need to speak to her about my ritual and your wisdom and how they both arise and subside in confluence.

5) Tell yourself today: I am a unique part of the cosmic plan. I am needed in the universe.

Unique part in the cosmic plan. Hmm. I don’t even think I have a unique role in my organization and you are talking about a cosmic plan, the blueprint of which nobody has seen till date. I am not too sure God agrees with my importance in the universe Deepak. In fact, I think He is drawing up a plan for downsizing due to redundancy in the universe. Not too sure. Why don’t you check again?

6) What is that which cannot be seen but without which seeing is impossible, cannot be imagined but without which imagination is impossible?

I don’t know Deepak. Tough riddle. I am inclined towards ‘Stupidity’ as an answer but ‘Crazy’, ‘Mentally imbalanced’ also might be the answer. Tough one Deepak – you need to be the editor of the NY Times puzzle section. You’d be real good at it.

7) In our willingness to give that which we seek, we keep the abundance of the universe circulating in our lives.

Wait a minute – How can I give which I seek? ‘Abundance of universe circulating in my life’ – you lost me at abundance. What exactly do you mean here? I mean, in one word – like money, love, sex etc. Just one word would suffice.

Any name or label you identify yourself with is false. The real you is unbounded and nameless. Beyond all labels.

And imagine the stupidity of parents worldwide, while they search in quest of a unique name for their newly born son/daughter. Ahh, their ignorance. I am beyond a label – wow. How liberating. So, I can be anyone – like Eric Clapton/Michael Jackson or god forbid, Justin Beiber? Really?

9) Through the flow of energy & information we regulate each other’s body-mind. Lets use twitter for planetary healing.

Our brain,emotions,endocrine autonomic systems &relationships are integrated Right now we are regulating each other’s biology on twitter !

Ok, this dude is pretty much nuts. Flow of energy through twitter is very ridiculous. I would accept Flow of energy through unknown asteroids in the universe, but not through twitter. And dude, stay away from my biology – have you no shame?

10) Death is our creative opportunity to recreate ourselves into new contexts, meanings & relationships .If you screwed up no worries.

Death is a creative opportunity. Hmm. Come again – what was that? Creative opportunity…hmm. Interesting. Opportunity, as I know it, gives you a chance to do something. What chance does death give? I fail to understand. I probably need to reach a higher consciousness state to decrypt the inner meaning. Alternatively, I could also join Alibagh Mental Asylum to get an answer. As the quote goes, mental illness also is a creative opportunity.

11) Every object is the universe localized. Every object is the universe localized , every mind is all minds with a unique perspective. We are all the total universe looking at itself.

Wait, you mean we are not at a global optima but are at a local optima? How can that be? We are the universe, remember. How can I, the universe be a local optima? This is an outrageous and a conflicted philosophy.

12) The one you’re looking for is the one who is looking.

No shit Sherlock. No really. Mirror Mirror on the Wall, who is the biggest Mr.Obvious of them all?

13) Landed in Delhi . The smells of India and so much nostalgia! Although I’m in Delhi, I long for Delhi.

Ahh, finally a quote which I can understand. No, wait. How can you be at a particular city and still long for the city? In your language, when your body, mind and soul are in that particular city. Which particular frigging longingness is this?

14) When you know what is happening at your very core, what you have to give becomes limitless.

Since this is a free-for-all-blog and not just restricted to Parental Guidance and 18+, I shall refrain from commenting on this tweet. It is just obnoxious.

15) To be overwhelmed by the mystery of our existence is the taste of spirit .

Finally, I mean finally, you have solved the reason behind my existence. Spirit – that’s what it is. Taste of spirit, much like taste of a alcoholic beverage, I think. However, I am not in the least, overwhelmed by any taste of spirit Deepak. Please clarify.

16) A lifetime is like a flash of lightening in the sky, rushing by like a torrent down a steep mountain, like a dew drop on a trembling leaf.

He moves into a Robert Frost/Ernest Hemingway category with this tweet. Adjectives, Connotations and the full army. A lifetime indeed is a flash. Tweets like these reduce the half-life of the flash. Thank you. And please don’t come again.

 For some reason or the other, disasters happen. What is quite pathetic is articles such as these which contain the basic premise of ‘Is it safe to fly in India?’ Given that this event is tragic, hundreds of flights fly in and out of India every day. Nobody remembers when the last air disaster happened in India. Assuming we have flown for 50 years without any disaster, the all-knowing and omniscient media publish an article which probably will get marketed all over the western world who are just looking for such information.

 And then, you have politicians who announce relief money for the deceased sooner than I can say ‘Hello!’. What’s with the relief money almost everytime anyway? As if that is going to mollify and soothe the kith and kin. At the very least, the middlemen pocket most of this money (probably a percentage goes back to these politicians?).

 Sensationalism knows no boundaries. But in such tragic cases, please – shut the eff up.

 2) Fatwa-galore -   The other end of immense wisdom are these fatwa declarations by these god-knows-who-mullahs. First, there was this fatwa against working muslim women. When serious objections began to take shape, it seemed that the fatwa was misquoted. Don’t get me wrong here. Fatwas are usually written statements and not some random guy shouting on the street that there is a fatwa against so and so. Therefore, misquoting a written statement (the fatwa) cannot just happen. As if that wasn’t enough, some other fatwa was issued against insurance. Please people. There is an economic law called Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility. A fatwa is supposed to be a very serious exercise (anyone remember Salma Rushdie?). A fatwa here, there and everywhere will seriously reduce your mileage of issuing a serious one.

Again, religion is sacred. But in such blatantly silly cases, please – shut the eff up.

3)  Ban-Ban-Ban – The most hilarious news over the past week was Pakistan banning Facebook. And then Youtube. And then Twitter. Last known, they banned atleast 50 sites. Let’s just go ahead and ban the Internet, shall we? I mean, Internet is evil. Social networking reduces productivity. We might as well spend that time polluting young people minds and turn them into jihad. Imagine if these young people get addicted to Farmville. And tweet about their level in Farmville. And upload a video on youtube of beating everyone at Farmville. The horror! That just cannot be done. Let’s ban the whole shit down and sit in darkness, shall we.

 Again, majority of the Pakistani people don’t need this crap. So, politicians, please – shut the eff up.

 2) Sri Lanka ‘chickened’ out - So says the DDCA VP. A dangerous pitch. Ball shooting off the pitch from a good length, which is almost impossible to play. Enough said. God help the Commonwealth Games scheduled in the same town, come June ’10. How does ‘Usain Bolt chickens out of Commonwealth’ sound to you? Not very good? I thought so. 

 3) Tharoor does it again, on Twitter - Politicians are being slammed for stating their opinions directly to the people. Immense fun ensues. As I said on Facebook, we have a very good benchmark for our politicians. We are ok with corruption, but not with sex. We are fine with rowdiness and flinging mikes but not comfortable with frank opinions. We are indeed a land of diversity. 

4) Haha, immense schadenfraude. Don’t mess with an intern.

 5) Trust the Nytimes to come up with a date which means something, again!