A: i can’t believe he’s dead  so sad

me:   i think u shud fly to LA for the last rites

A: it’ll be unbearable

Now, i’ll just think its all a dream

infact, i’ll try and fool myself that he’s alive

me:

A: anyway, he’s a legend which can never die

me: i think u shud visit a temple or smthg and meditate for sometime :

A:   u think i’m crazy?

me: lol, no, really

A: he’s a magician dude

not just his music, dance, singing but also his capacity to mesmerize billions all over

look at his fans during his tours, the girls have orgasms literally dude

me: Baltimore MJ sangham start cheyyi {‘A’ lives in Baltimore and I am advising him to start a MJ club}

me: maannn this is like made for the media kindaa situation, exploitin to the hilt

A: you got to be a fan to understand

i understand  :)

me: cha!  :)

A: is that it? is this all there is for life?

work your ass off, succeed, get money fame etc and then finally, thats all you get?

very unfair dude

me: 3000 yrs ago…Bhagawad Gita – same message

2) Watched ‘The Hangover’ and ‘Transformers’ over the past weekend. ‘The Hangover’ is an extremely funny movie, too gross in certain parts but funny nevertheless {Never ever watch this movie with your parents/kids}. ‘Transformers-Revenge of the Fallen’ is easily one-of-its-kind movies, especially with the IMAX experience that I went through. The grouse as usual from the media was that it was all fight and no story. Cars and Motorcycles morphing into AutoRobots – and you expected a story? Really? The graphics are mind-blowing and so is the cinematography. Watch it for sure, preferably in IMAX.

3) With news such as this trickling in, we are well on our way to our past of splintered princely states, this time managed by the well and truly proven morons of the world. Why just states? Let’s split them into different countries and see where it takes us!

Madoff: You bloody brown fellow! How dare you steal thunder under/from me?

Raju: You racist cheater! How long do you want to be in the limelight? Forever?

Madoff: Why did they put you here after all? I mean, what greater crime did you commit than me?

Raju: I defrauded, actually made fun and fool of atleast a billion people into believing that I was building the next IT behemoth. What did you do?

Madoff: You are just talking about Indians and a bunch of Wall Street Americans who have invested in your ADRs. I have defrauded, again, made fun and fool of millions of people across continents – US, Europe, Asia to quote a few.

Raju: That is nothing! My company was one of the SWITCH of India (Satyam, Wipro, Infy, TCS, Cognizant and HCL). We were believed to take over the outsourcing world. Haha, I have left India Inc. with a WITCH now. That should settle it.

Madoff: Not so soon you brownie, although that’s an insult to the food item itself! I defrauded banks and other investors to the tune of $50 billion. What was the little amount that you cheated people with?

Raju: You can’t understand the Indian measuring system, do you, you imbecile?! I defrauded the investors with a much greater amount than you did. 8000 crore is the amount – translating to 80 billion – a much greater number than you.

Madoff: You moron, you can’t understand the simple conversion of Rupee to Dollar. How did you ever become the Chairman of a company?

Raju: You couldn’t pay up little money in a ponzi scheme. How come they made you NASDAQ chairman once? How come they all considered you to be one of the makers in Wall Street?

Madoff: That’s because I was cheating them for a little over 48 years dude and I became one of the most powerful people on Wallstreet! They had to watch their words very carefully. Between, how many years were you cheating a billion people, which I admit is quite a huge number?

Raju: Haha, thanks! Well, publicly, its been about 8 years but before that we hardly had any revenue to cheat. Between, I appreciate that you had the talent to cheat people for 48 years. Awesome!

Madoff: Now that we have mutual appreciation and admiration for each other, how did you get caught?

Raju: Well, I technically misstated the accounts, showing more revenue than what was coming in. You know, all that ‘doing business on a cost basis’ funda. However, I and my dear family members made a lot of money (wink, wink).

Madoff: And then?

Raju: Then, I had to cover the tracks of this cheating or give money to my sons in Maytas, I forget which. But all hell broke loose in the US simply because I was transferring 7000 crore of fictional money to my son’s company. And then, Merill Lynch pulled out citing some esoteric ‘material accounting irregularities’ which I never understood. I wrote a letter to my dear employees, who in fact, worked like dogs for me that I cheated them happily, actually, screwed them happily for close to 8 years. What happened in your case?

Madoff: Well, my conscience pricked. I confessed.

Raju: Haha, that’s a very good joke! I can’t stop laughing.

Madoff: Haha (high-five) The jury and the media couldn’t make this out at all (high-five). You are indeed very sharp.

Raju: Haha, thanks. What happened?

Madoff: Well, with this stupid sub-prime crisis, some morons in Europe asked for money which I didn’t have. And then, everything blew up.

Raju: Well, we both have one thing in common

Madoff: What is that?

Raju: We both had auditors who hadn’t done their homework or classwork.

Madoff: Bunch of idiots. What do they know anyway? Sarabanes-Oxley – WTF is that? Losers!

Raju: Haha, fun, fun, fun. Now, let’s just get a bail and get the hell out of here tomorrow.

Madoff: And cheat more people…hahahah!

Raju: (high-five) hahahah!

And so the saga ended. Madoff and Raju from a mode of one-upmanship had transformed into partners-for-the-next-fraud over a conversation in the jail.

]]> http://kirandhanwada.com/2009/01/08/one-upmanship-bernie-madoff-vs-ramalinga-raju/feed/ 1 http://kirandhanwada.com/2008/11/02/the-angrez-on-im/ http://kirandhanwada.com/2008/11/02/the-angrez-on-im/#comments Sun, 02 Nov 2008 18:11:55 +0000 Kiran http://sarvamekam.wordpress.com/?p=145 Of all the multiple conversations on IM that I was a part of in the office till date, this conversation takes the cake. One of my very good friend, Harish was working from California on this particular day. The background essentially is that we both love the movie ‘The Angrez’ – a movie based on hyderabadi-hindi-urdu dialect. The following conversation is based on one of the scenes in the movie – it was spontaneous and hence even more hilarious. [Conversation copied verbatim]

Jayagopal, Harish [11:39 AM]:
Kal kya hua maloom..
Dhanwada, Kiran [11:39 AM]:
kya hua re?
Jayagopal, Harish [11:39 AM]:
Homestead main party thi
Jayagopal, Harish [11:39 AM]:
Andar jaate hee Manejaraan wanejaraan Hello Hai bole,

I didn’t get the drift yet…
Dhanwada, Kiran [11:39 AM]:
kyaa??

Jayagopal, Harish [11:39 AM]:
Party mein jaake, ab main naach ra toh saare pottiyaan mereko lipat jaati,..
Jayagopal, Harish [11:39 AM]:
Toh main aisa hallu se table baita,
Jayagopal, Harish [11:39 AM]:
table pe baithe he Jolie aayi..
Jayagopal, Harish [11:40 AM]:
ab pooch Jolie kaun !!

My manager called me for some reason…so I had stepped out for about 5 minutes at this point…

Jayagopal, Harish [11:40 AM]:
kidhar mar gaya rey Iflaaz..

Ilflazz…I was LOL…and immediately got hooked up…

Dhanwada, Kiran [11:45 AM]:
kyaaaa baat kar raha hai be?

Jayagopal, Harish [11:45 AM]:
pooch Jolie kaun
Dhanwada, Kiran [11:45 AM]:
kaun Jolie re Harish?
Jayagopal, Harish [11:46 AM]:
Tomb Raider yaaroon
Dhanwada, Kiran [11:46 AM]:
LOL

Jayagopal, Harish [11:46 AM]:
aake.. Hi Harish.. where are you…how do u do.. now u do boli..
Jayagopal, Harish [11:46 AM]:
do teen peg kya pee vee lee une “Harish, mereko long drive main jaana” boli
Jayagopal, Harish [11:46 AM]:
Abhi LA main kahan leke jaaton..
Jayagopal, Harish [11:47 AM]:
Santa Monika se Sunset Blvd,
Jayagopal, Harish [11:47 AM]:
Sunset blvd se Hollywood st.,
Jayagopal, Harish [11:47 AM]:
Aisa Broadway ke bajoo se nikal rahe the toh
Jayagopal, Harish [11:47 AM]:
“Harish mereko Shrimp hona..” boli,
Dhanwada, Kiran [11:47 AM]:
LOLLL…shrimp.?!
Jayagopal, Harish [11:47 AM]:
Shrimp ke liye kidhar leke jaaton,..
Jayagopal, Harish [11:47 AM]:
pooch kidhar…
Dhanwada, Kiran  [11:47 AM]:
kidhar re Harish?
Jayagopal, Harish [11:48 AM]:
Bubba Gump yaaron
Dhanwada, Kiran [11:48 AM]:
abaa…
Jayagopal, Harish [11:48 AM]:
Bair filhaal hum log baithe to 5 5 plate khaayi
Dhanwada, Kiran [11:48 AM]:
paanch paanch?
Jayagopal, Harish [11:48 AM]:
itte itte toh plateaan they yaaron
Dhanwada, Kiran [11:48 AM]:
LOLL
Dhanwada, Kiran [11:49 AM]:
ah..uske baad?
Jayagopal, Harish [11:49 AM]:
kaafi der ho gayi… tum ghar jaao Jolie bola toh…
Jayagopal, Harish [11:49 AM]:
unho boli…Harish…Aisa kaise hota… uppar aao kuch baat karna boli
Dhanwada, Kiran [11:50 AM]:
abaa…gaye tum?
Jayagopal, Harish [11:50 AM]:
ab uppar jaa ke raat bhar kya kua poocho nakko..
Dhanwada, Kiran [11:50 AM]:
neend kab khuli yaaron?
Jayagopal, Harish [11:50 AM]:
subeh…
Dhanwada, Kiran [11:50 AM]:
LOLL!!
Jayagopal, Harish [11:50 AM]:
hahahhhaaa
Dhanwada, Kiran [11:50 AM]:
perfect!!
Dhanwada, Kiran [11:51 AM]:
you’ve mastered the art of Urdu-Hindi dialect.

For those who haven’t watched this movie, do watch it. It’s falling-off-the-chair-hilarious. The original scene relating to the IM conversation can be found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gM6QrKkMtk

]]> http://kirandhanwada.com/2008/11/02/the-angrez-on-im/feed/ 1 http://kirandhanwada.com/2008/04/21/converstaion-with-%e2%80%98they%e2%80%99%e2%80%a6err%e2%80%a6%e2%80%99she%e2%80%99%e2%80%a6no%e2%80%a6%e2%80%99they%e2%80%99/ http://kirandhanwada.com/2008/04/21/converstaion-with-%e2%80%98they%e2%80%99%e2%80%a6err%e2%80%a6%e2%80%99she%e2%80%99%e2%80%a6no%e2%80%a6%e2%80%99they%e2%80%99/#comments Tue, 22 Apr 2008 04:24:11 +0000 Kiran http://sarvamekam.wordpress.com/?p=94 Of the many stupid moments and conversations I have been involved in over the past 25 years, some stupid moments stand out – for the sheer ingenuity and willingness to be ‘bakraofied’, some decisions I have taken to be involved in these stupid moments can be classified as stupefyingly stupid, if not downright insane. (Four ‘stupids’ in one paragraph – my English ma’am would never forgive me )

Now that some of my guy friends have got married, I get a chance to meet them only with their wives (don’t ask me whether that’s fortunate or unfortunate), say for lunch/dinner at some restaurants. I tend to avoid meeting them if some other friend is not joining me; that is, I try as hard as I can to make the number of people at the table to be 4, rather than 3. Being human, I am incapacitated sometimes, and inspite of my best efforts, such hard work proves futile. I have to end up being the sole 3^rd member – which unfortunately at a lunch party sometime back I ended up being one, with a friend of mine (R) whom I have known for 7 years. They were married for a month now, and deciding to meet them as the 3^rd member was well…..Anyways, proceeding to the conversation:

The couple is referred to as ‘They’ (although… it was ‘she’ most of the time – typical family I guess – I have a saying, Two bodies, one voice – hers -> and this couple was a personification of that!)

Me: Heyyy, how are you guys doing?!

They: Very well, how are you?

Me: Am doing very good

Me: So, how was the honeymoon n all? And what is this small party ya?!

They: Honeymoon was fantastic…and dude, you didn’t come to the reception – it isn’t our problem exactly you know.

(and that’s probably the last time I heard the guy, my friend…really speak, except for a few nods and some ya’s here and there!)

Me: Haha…true! Caught up with some office work and blah and blah dude – typical stuff you know. Anyways, how was the wedding?

They (yeah…to be fair, it is just ‘she’ from now on): Ohh…wedding was fantastic…with all the jewelery and food and lots of relatives! You should have come – it was just awesome…it’s a incredible experience you know!

Me: (silently, nope…I don’t know) Jewelry, food and RELATIVES…dude, was it that good? (with a wink here!)

They: (she again…my friend has resigned himself to fate) – ohhh yeahh, 3 day function with Sangeet, dance n all…we have captured everything on the video, you gotta see it once!

Me: (whoaa! Save me O Lord! if you had know this, you surely wouldn’t have said that!) Sure thing…absolutely, I will make it to your house to watch the video as soon as I am vexed with my work (or rather life I should have said! )

They: Yeah, sure! That would be a good break…You know what, your friend S accompanied us to this trip to Essel World – he was great fun!

Me: Yeah…sounds great! What did you guys do?

They: Ohh..we boarded many rides…and we as a couple have photographs of almost every ride!

Me: Ohh, I see…so basically, S was your photographer! (added) heheh (so that they don’t feel bad!…and I was thinking I was the bigger fool…S…I tell ya!! )

They: Hahah! (and their smiles turned weird…and my friend got the hint…but too late, he was totally powerless in this slugfest)

Me: (Ah! She understood the sarcasm. Now, we can talk about American politics, Global warming and exhaust the remaining 30 min and then rush out of here!)

They (don’t you forget, its only ‘she’ – ‘They’ is just a misnomer): You know, your friend likes North Indian and Chinese a lot.

Me: Oh really! News to me…dude, I hope you haven’t changed suddenly (He was my friend for 7 years, it’s just been a month with you dear! Ah! I forget, wives are supposed to know more about their husbands than their husband’s long time friends! Apologies!)

They: Yeah! We have been to almost every Chinese and North Indian restaurant in the area – We are just learning cooking, you know!

Me: Hahah…yeah, I agree (and I stare at my friend – he is just giggling out of helplessness rather than anything else!)

They: And your friend is an avid orkutter, and he really likes the sitcom ‘Friends’

Me: Ohhh, really! R, you never told me that (and me winks again – and he is like, dekhlungaa betaa, tujhe dekhlungaa!)

They: And he really seems to know things about dresses – I mean, his selection of my sarees, and other dresses exactly matched my preferences!

Me: (Holy crap! Where is my dessert?!) Ohh, that’s fantastic! You guys are just made for each other from birth I guess.

They: (both giggle off to glory, their eyes locking with each other, seemingly lost in trance of the ethereal world)

Me: Er…umm! Sorry to disturb your privacy…but the bill has arrived (ufff!!)

They: You naughty!! (and R proceeds to pay the bill)

Me: Naughty?!! Wtf!!?

And then, I exit gracefully thanking the host and the hostess for a wonderful and fruitful time spent to-gether, knowing many things about my friend that I already knew and knowing some more things about him (like his silence, for one) that I never knew!

Aarrgghh!!

P.S: How easy it is to think ‘that poor R, he has got such a dominating wife?!’ – Nope, she was just too talkative, and compared to R…wayyy too talkative. And mind you, most of the couples I encounter nowadays are like this only (that is, ‘they’ and ‘she’ are interchangeable) (except for the fact that I ensure there is a 4th guy/girl around) – So, nope, all you couples out there – don’t you take a higher moral plane

He: Hello madam! Kaise ho??!!

She: Am doing good! How are you!

He: Am doing good too!! An open question I just read somewhere – what do you think you are?

She: I am unique, I am an oxymoron!

He: Pretty ugly, eh?!

She: As always Evil!! Damnn..anyways..

He: so, now to the boring question…what did ya do over the weekend?

She: My cousin T had come. Along with K, we went for shopping!

He: T? K? No names?

She: No, we just call them T and K!

He: Oh!! Alphabet it is then…so what do they call your 27th cousin? AA?

She: You know you are good at this stuff, don’t you?

He: Do I? Have no clue what stuff you are talking about!

He: Aaj kal feminists ke baat bahut chal rahi hai na?

She: Ha! so..what’s the problem?

He: I am not able to understand what their problem actually is!

She: They say, You men!! How dare you call us weaker sex?

He: Any problem with that?

She: Why weak? Just look at Xena, The warrior princess or Carly Fiorina!

He: Yup! I agree…even look at Naomi Campbell…wonder why they call you the fairer sex too!

She: Tangency seems like your forte! You men…you are just dogs!!

He: I’ll take that as a bitch’s perspective and agree!

She: Evil again!

She: You want a hot girlfriend but a shy, homely girl as a wife!!!

He: The first one is definitely welcome anytime

She: You are shameless!

He: Let’s not talk about in-born characteristics. Aur ye ‘shy’ wife dandorra sunn chuka hu pehle. I don’t think that would make for an interesting pillow talk!

She: Haha! Sometimes, honesty does charm women!

He: What do you think I was tryin to do?

She: You are an absolutely incorrigible flirt!

He: Flirtin!??! I am only trying to interact on a positive basis.

She: ya, ya, ya!!

She: ‘Marriage is the last chance for anyone to grow up’ – What do you think of this quote?

He: I think, the very fact that you got married indicates that you have not grown up .

She: Very silly!

He: C’mon, ur conscience chilla chilla kar kehraha hai ki mera stmt correct hai

She: No, it is not!

He: I really cant help if you forcibly dabao ur conscience:)

She: ya, ya!!

He: Besides, who cares after your marriage whether you have grown up or not except for your poor hubby/wife anyways

She: haha…very true! But that is besides the point!!!

She: You know what, ‘disappointing’ is your middle name!

He: Oh! I thought you patented it!

She: That was quick…even if I patent, you are using it!

He: I followed in your steps!

She: Will you follow anyone and everyone like this?

He: I have always been a follower of pretty girls

She: Uh! I have run out of synonyms for Incorrigible.

He: haha! Anyways…chalo then, let me catch up with ya later

She: yup, sure! Always fun talking to you

He: The pleasure is all mine lady!

She:
It indeed has been a pleasure knowing you lady! Can’t believe that this whole conversation happened in what, 10 minutes!! ! It definitely takes two to tango