The above paragraph might as well be replicated in any newspaper in India on 26/11/2009. The writing nowadays is probably templated, given the turnaround times of publishing each article. However, the point of this blog is not to bash the templated media, but to point out the pointlessness of the media exercise which will come up on 26/11, all day, all night long on a television near you. This attempt is only a preview of what you are about to be subjected to.

The scene is set in a plush studio in Mumbai. The anchor is all decked up and in the first shot, we’d have 2-3 ‘experts’/'pundits’ adjusting their ties, hair and lungis.

Anchor (with a somber expression and a fake heavy voice): This day, last year, we witnessed the most brazen attack yet on Indian soil, with 10 terrorists taking Mumbai hostage with their antics. Today, in our studio, we have Expert 1, Expert 2 and on the field, we have Moron 1 and Moron 2.

The Morons are usually attention seeking…er..morons.

The scene shifts to the Taj Hotel and the Trident Hotel in split frames and then zooms out to have the morons standing in front of each of these buildings ready to give their idiotic opinion.

Anchor: So, Moron 1, explain me the scene around Taj today. What are people saying? How are they doing?

Moron 1: The scene in front of the Taj is very sober and most of them are reliving the moments of 26/11. I have spoken to many people here (yeah right!) and they explained to me how the night of 26/11 went by in horror, just as they were leaving the premises.

Anchor: How are they feeling currently? How do they feel to be in the exact spot exactly one year later? (yep, sensationalize is the name of the game)

Moron 1: Anchor, I can tell you by their expressions and feelings (the big Freud has been reborn!) that anger is seething within them. They didn’t get any answers from the government (when have we..ever?!) and the accused have not yet been brought to justice. (what does that even mean? just shoot the bloody bastard and get it over with.)

Anchor: Thank you Moron 1. Moron 2…how are things shaping up at the Trident? How are people feeling currently?

Moron 2: Thanks Anchor. I have spoken to multiple people (the fantastic insightful investigative journalist that he is) and also to the hotel staff of Trident. Each one has a different story to tell (obviously, we are not robots, are we?) and every incident is very moving. (moved whom? How did it move you?…ahh..I can’t sensationalize, my bad!)

Anchor (with obvious glee of securing the highest TRP ratings): Moron 2, did you by chance talk to any relatives or friends of the dead…err…those who passed away in the attack? How are they feeling? (I can tell you they pretty much want to kill you now!)

Moron 2: You bring up a very interesting angle Anchor (?!) I did speak to quite a few relatives of those who passed away and they are still not able to recoil with the truth of their loved ones who passed away suddenly. (next time, they shall take an appointment). They seek answers from the government. (the panacea, our government. only if wishes were angelina jolies).

Anchor (turning to the ‘experts’): Experts, as we heard from the two scenes, people are seeking answers from the government. What is the government doing?

The ‘experts’ as always, speak at a ‘management guru’ level, which essentially is fluff and doesn’t make any sense to anyone, either in the governement or in the studio or to the viewers.

Expert 1: The government is doing multiple things and has taken up multiple initiatives to prevent such attacks from happening. There are 5 NSG centers in India now, instead of only 1 previously. We are presenting evidence to the entire world to bring the accused to justice. And justice always takes time. (ah, you see, as long as it doesn’t impact you, anything can take as much time as it wants. How do you care?)

Expert 2: I think we have a more fundamental problem. We have to reinforce the military and improve our foreign policy to nip the problem at its bud. (Can you list out the practical operational steps to do so? What? No? I thought so!) At a more deeper level, we need to change the sense of hopelessness and despair among these young terrorists to prevent further such attacks. (ah, he’s preaching enlightenment. We should sent him to Pak, without further ado!)

Anchor: Thank you experts. Now, we’ll go into a break. When we come back, we’ll have our Moron 3 at Nariman house and Moron 4 to relive the journey of 26/11/08 made possible through our own animation studio. (We have a package deal. Let us know if you want to produce a animated movie. Advertising on our channel is free if you use our animation studio services.)

And the story goes on and on after the long advertising break, with different characters, different channels but the same storyline with the similar ‘breathtaking’ analysis. I think the media, especially all the 24×7 channels pray for some kind of sensationalist attack once in a while to rack up their TRPs on that day and every year from that day onwards (you know, today’s the 2^nd anniversary of/5^th anniversary of…etc). My grouse with the media is not that they whip up familiar storylines/analysis/expert views but that they have failed in one critical aspect – unbiased reporting, raising awareness be damned. But then again, who cares about unbiased reporting?

Frankly, the only original line that was supposed to come up this week on 26.11.2009 has already come in, unfortunately from Major Unnikrishnan’s father – ‘Everyone wants a Bhagat Singh or a Bose but in the neighbour’s house’. So true. So straight-from-the-heart. The way it is supposed to be. Always.