Indian Lovers Party – It’s Revolutionary!
A question to start with –
Whom are we talking about in the following sentence? – “There was no one like him, is no one like him, and will never be anyone like him”
If your answer was Don Bradman, Sachin Tendulkar or even Rajnikanth, you couldn’t be more farther from the truth. The answer is Kumar Sri Sri.
Kumar Sri Sri, who – you ask? He is the Revolutionary Leader of Lovers. Yes. You read that right. A self-acclaimed Revolutionary Leader of Lovers. It’s a fact. Here’s a website to prove the fact.
Apart from being a Revolutionary Leader, he is also the President of the Indian Lovers Party. Again, the website link to substantiate the fact.
Who cares? We all should care and here’s why -
1) Here’s a leader who publicly declares that his party was not set up to mint money (which other party, national/regional can publicly declare such an avant-garde manifesto). Instead, its objective is to heal the wounds inflicted in the hearts of lovers by society (unlike the evil Shri Ram Sene/RSS etc). A unique positioning in the annals of Indian politics.
2) Here’s a leader who has an entire portfolio of himself on the website. A portfolio which needs to be immediately looked at by the likes of Santosh Sivan and Gautam Rajyadaksha for their next casting in their subsequent big budget blockbuster. Which other political party/leader in India, nay, the World has given such a comprehensive overview of how they look in each photo studio backdrop? None. Zilch. Nada.
3) We have all heard of Obama’s ‘We are not Blue America or Red America, but we are the United States of America’ statement. That crying call pales in comparison to the Indian Lovers Party’s core mission statement ‘All the lovers of the World Unite’. Look at the Revolutionary leader’s global outlook. Not just India. Not just US. He is pleading through his immaculate communication skills about the welfare of all the lovers in the World. One word. Terrific. He had to be at Davos, I say!
4) What’s with Sri Sri at the end and not the beginning like many others, you ask? Remember this always – a vision of any great leader depends on differentiation from the crowd. However, he is modest enough to admit ‘I attribute my turnaround to two syllables ‘Sri Sri’ tagged to my name after consulting a numerologist’. Modesty and Numerology are indeed two hallmarks of a revolutionary leader.
5) His analytical ability to dissect complex situations comes to the fore through this statement of his – ‘I ask lovers who come to me to submit their voter IDs and parents’ numbers. I verify their identity, age and single status. This way, I make sure they’re not eloping with someone else’s wife! I want to be associated with decent affairs and not extra-marital affairs. I only entertain correct love, true love. Not time-pass lovers!’ A gem of a strategy indeed.
6) The Revolutionary Leader of all lovers has exhorted a 10-point programme aimed at 30 crore lovers in India. How 30 crores? You, as a mere mortal, might be wondering about the complex methodology he used to come up with this figure when all other advanced analytics have failed? However, just like Warren Buffett’s analysis or Virender Sehwag’s technique, the answer is deceptively simple. He says ‘There are 128 crore people in India. Of these, 30 crore will be lovers, that’s confirmed. If you lined up a minimum of 10 people, atleast 3 of them would have love marriages’. The math doesn’t add up but we should not let such small details get in the way of a grand vision for 30 crore people, whoever they might be. AC Nielsen and Indian Statistical Institute need to hang their heads in shame to have ignored such a simple, yet effective calculation for our Census. Instead, we waste millions of rupees.
7) We have all heard about Rs. 300 million spent on re-designing the Airtel logo. Each one of us wonders about the effectiveness of such a poor logo after spending such kind of money. However, the Indian Lovers Party, without spending those millions has come up with a logo which accurately portrays what it stands for. The logo is embellished with the symbol of a heart pierced by an arrow, with the greatest symbol of love, The Taj Mahal at the center. Shah Jahan might be wincing and flipping in his grave for such usage, but Kumar Sri Sri is not one to back off. To the left of the logo, the party initials ‘ILP’ are imprinted.That’s a logo (and the flag) which no one dare replicate. That’s an unconquerable branding exercise.
8) Every Indian voter asks himself before he/she votes ‘Is this leader broad-minded?’ When it comes to Kumar Sri Sri (the Revolutionary leader, in case you already forgot), the answer is self-evident. Peruse this answer when asked about a question on same-sex marriage ‘People must have the right to choose their partners – even if it is of the same gender. If any such couple does approach us, we will decide as per the specifics of the case’. Even California (the champion state of same-sex marriages) did not have such a charismatic leader. Instead, they got Arnold Schwarzenegger. Take a moment. Breathe. We have such a broad-minded leader in our midst. Yes. It is true.
9) We have all heard of Global Warming, and how it affects each one of us. We have had pseudo-luminaries like Al Gore preaching to us on the effects of global warming, yet spend a tremendous amount of energy at his home. But not our Revolutionary Leader Kumar Sri Sri, who walks the talk (Always! Never be in doubt). He thunders at every meeting ‘To prevent global warming and its ill-effects, lovers and couples are encouraged by the party to plant saplings and trees’. Times of India, surprisingly, have used this innovative concept of planting saplings to come up with, what I consider one of the best pick-up lines ever ‘Come, Comrade, Let’s do something for Global Warming’. Heh! What humor great leader visions generate.
In this age and era of A Raja’s politics and Manmohan Singh’s able leadership, in a India with numerous castes and innumerable sects, we have in our midst a leader who cuts through the fog with a clarity like no other, a leader who can differentiate himself and integrate one another, a visionary leader with an infinite broad-minded behavior – India, our Leader, nay, Our Revolutionary Leader has arrived. Yes, He Truly Can!
Theory of Outrageous Predictions
This is a theory which we can all use, with very limited or zero downside but unlimited upside. Let me explain.
Make a prediction about anything. Just about anything. The trick lies in making an outrageous prediction and not just a normal prediction. For example, you can predict that Bangladesh is going to win this year’s World Cup. Or the stock market is going to touch 25000/12000 by this year end. Or Manmohan Singh will actually clamp down on corruption. At this stage, you may or may not state reasons for your prediction. If you are a well-known person, publish your prediction is some journal/magazine/newsletter. If you are not, there is always the workplace-colleagues group, family etc. But someone other than you should clearly and loudly hear that you’ve made a prediction, an outrageous one at that.
There are two results which can happen from the instance you’ve made the prediction. The prediction might actually turn out to be true in which case you are a celebrity and the person with crystal-ball gazing ability. Of course, now that your prediction has come true, you can always state reasons (hindsight vision 20/20) as to why you thought this was the only outcome possible. Again, if you had published your prediction, more offers in terms of articles, op-eds, seminar talks would come your way. If you are not, you’ll atleast be held in high-esteem by your colleagues/family.
On the other hand, your prediction may not come true (most cases!). The advantage here is that almost noone will remember your outrageous prediction. In a world where there is a lot of information overload, who is going to remember things which have failed? Almost noone.
You don’t believe me, do you? Let me state some examples –
a) On the eve of the 1996 cricket world cup, different ex-cricketers were asked about the probable winner. Richard Hadlee said Sri Lanka. I don’t remember which other ex-cricketer said which team would win. Sri Lanka went on to win the World Cup. Richard Hadlee subsequently was asked before almost every World Cup (TV shows, Marketing events etc. – making him a lot of money!) since 1996 about the probable winner and we are reminded of his crystal ball gazing ability since then. He went on to say India, England, South Africa for the next 3 world cups and each of those predictions turned out to be false (Australia won all 3). Did anyone chide Richard Hadlee for his stupid prediction? Absolutely not. He was recently reminded of his prediction of the 1996 world cup winner, and was asked the probable winner of the 2011 World Cup.
b) Arjun Murti, a Goldman Sachs banker had predicted Oil would touch $100 when it was languishing around $40 a few years back. It was an outrageous prediction. Oil subsequently went on to hit $140 and is back to $90 levels now. Once Oil crossed $100, Arjun Murti was hailed as one of the most prolific commodities banker and was probably given a ton of bonus for his prediction. He went to predict that Oil would hit $200 very soon. Till date, Oil hasn’t (and this prediction was 3 years back). Did anyone notice? Did anyone care? Did anyone say ‘Yo Arjun, what’s with the foolish prediction?’ Absolutely not.
c) Closer home, Rakesh Jhunjhunwala predicted that Sensex would touch 20000 by 2008 in 2003. Sensex did cross 20000 in 2007 itself. Rakesh was hailed as a visionary who could predict markets at will. Rakesh was subsequently asked of the next target. He said 40000 by 2011. We are nowhere close to that (in fact, as of today, not even half of that). Did anyone question the sanity of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala of his prediction? You know the answer by now.
That in summary, is the effect of the Theory of Outrageous Prediction. Limited to zero downside and unlimited upside.
You might say, ‘Hold on, why not just make any prediction? Why do I have to make an outrageous prediction?’ Well, the answer to that is, noone would care to remember your normal prediction. Worst case, they might just boil it down to sheer luck than anything else (For example, let’s say you predict Obama is going to win 2012 elections. Well, noone cares about your prediction because that is an expected outcome (or most probable outcome). However, if you predict Sarah Palin is probably going to sweep the 2012 election, you are onto something. Imagine if that event turns out to be true (god forbid!). You can state reasons ranging from disgruntled-US-employees to sweeping-demographic-changes-influenced-by-social-media or some such!).
One caution though. You need to use this theory sparingly. Else, people might just ignore you for silly talk and posturing (the success ratio of outrageous predictions is abysmally low. If you predict every other day, you are bound to be branded a failure).
P.S: Any attempt to copy the name of my theory will lead to a trademark violation. You’ll hear from my lawyers almost immediately 
